Dealing with the Stress of Bad Family Practices
THE ROLE OF STRESS ON FAMILY EXPERIENCE
"If you are alive, there is stress in your life,"Hans Selye. No one really welcomes stress, but it somehow presents itself due to certain circumstances. Stress seems to be the leading cause of some people’s problems. Stress becomes even bothersome when it affects one’s relationship with family. A family can be less functional when they are under stress and do not know how to cope with it. However, in order for one to manage stress, one’s particular stress triggers need to be acknowledged, then the stressful situation would need to be changed. Some events that trigger stress in a family may include; financial concerns, health concerns, quality of relationships, transitions, situational circumstances (poverty, addictions, grief), and more.
Stress originates from dealing with changes, whether real or imagined threats. Some of these major changes can affect one’s home and work routine. Pay attention to your stress responses, and acknowledge that what triggers you might not trigger someone else. Stress does not have the same impact on everyone. One can respond to stress by; changing the situation, changing how you perceive the situation, and changing how you react in the situation. In addition, you can practice the ABC strategy; Awareness, Balance, and Control over your current situation. Take the time to HALT, Listen and Understand your family members before acting. HALT by examining yourself to see if you are reacting because you are; Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Once you can determine the meaning behind those feelings, then you won’t be quick to judge but you will be better able to analyze yourself and the situation.
TOXIC FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Have you ever stopped to think of why your family tends to go through a cycle of unhealthy relationships? Family can either be considered a blessing or a curse, depending on how one lives their life with family members. Toxic family relationships may originate from generational bad habits such as; past hurts, past or current trauma, abuse, addiction, dealing with mental illness, avoidance of communication, personality clashes, lack of affection, unresolved conflicts, lack of time management, rebellion, fears and phobias, religion, etc.
If you are in a household with other individuals who are stressed, built up tensions can cause people to react in ways that are not intentional. However, it is important to be aware of the different stress signs in others, so you can better understand each other.
You may not get the opportunity to choose your family members. However, you have the choice to choose how to love these individuals especially if they care and support you at all times. One of the hardest parts about getting along with others, is that you can’t control others. However, you can make the decision for yourselves, in terms of how you want to be treated by others.
DO YOU HAVE A RECOVERY ZONE?
When you are stressed, frustrated, and feel like all hope is gone, it is good to have a positive outlet to be able to be present and refocus your mind. Be mindful of what happens when you are frustrated with nowhere to turn. In order to have an effective recovery zone, you have to create that space for yourself. Think about a space or activity that can put your mind at peace.
Some examples of recovery zones may include; prayer/devotional, going for walks or a drive out, cooking/baking, exercise/workout, journaling your thoughts, poetry, music (listening and singing), gardening, Do It Yourself (DIY) Projects, talking to a trusted friend, family member or a counsellor to help acknowledge and distract thoughts, and more. Furthemore, one can reflect on why family is important to you, and hold onto the memories of why you enjoy being around family members.
Everyone may go through hard times in their life, but you do not have to stay in those hard times. You can be encouraged that you can go through trial and grow through it as well. The structure of life is not constant, life always changes. Therefore, it is important to prepare yourself for dealing with setbacks.
